Tuesday, July 31, 2012

well... it's been a rough few weeks.

early in july, grandmommy (my maternal grandmother) was diagnosed with breast cancer.  she had a mastectomy and axillary lymph node dissection on the 19th.  some of the lymph nodes were positive for cancer cells, so she will be undergoing chemotherapy and radiation as soon as she heals completely from her surgery.  she's feeling weak, but not having any pain right now.  i'm scared of what's down the road for her, and my family.  i'm trying to be positive, but i'm very sad and anxious.

this past saturday, the 28th, josh's mother passed away.  it was very sudden and shocking.  she's been ill with MS for 20 years.  every few months or so, we would get a call because she was in the hospital with a UTI (she had a catheter for years), and it was always frightening, but she was usually home within a couple of days.  on saturday josh's twin sister jill went to visit her, and she was having trouble breathing... and within 10 minutes, she was gone.  i was at work, and josh had the kids at my dad's when he received the news.  i got a panicked text message from jill, just before mom passed, and rushed to my dad's.  i don't think i'll get the sight and sound of josh out of my head anytime soon.

the past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions and planning and phone calls and organizing and purging.  there will be a memorial service for the staff and residents of the nursing home where mom lived tomorrow morning.  thursday morning, we'll go to the funeral home to see her once more before her body is cremated and her remains placed into urns selected by each of her five kids.  thursday evening we'll gather at a coffee shop in downtown garland for a celebration of her life, with family and friends who want to honor her memory.

life hurts us sometimes.  i am deeply grateful for my family and friends.  i pray for comfort for my husband.  it's unbelievably difficult to watch your spouse suffer this kind of loss.  josh grieves very differently than i believe i would (i really don't know for sure).  i hope i'm doing a good job taking care of him.