i am so touched by the attention to detail the nurses are giving to rowan here in the PICU. they are so tender, when they come in to wipe his eyes and nose, and moisten his lips and apply a little balm so they don't get too chapped. massaging his little wrists and hands, and rubbing his feet. things i would do for him at home. things i can't do right now, because i can't touch him.
i did find out a little while ago that one of the medicines they give him to keep him still (so he can't dislodge his breathing tube, and so he's unaware) is a paralytic. that freaks me out. how does the drug know which muscles to paralyze and which ones to leave alone?! i can't remember the name of the drug... i want to get a list of all the drugs he is on so i can look them all up, find out all i can about them. i don't know why, don't know what it will change... through this whole ordeal, i've found i'm much calmer if i know every little, minute detail of what the nurses are doing or administering, and what the doctors are ordering and why. i'm asking lots and lots... and lots of questions. and apologizing for it, which always gets a firm "don't apologize, ask as many questions as you want!" from the nurses. they're all so nice and personable. i especially appreciate the ones who take the initiative to tell me what they're doing before i ask.
the first night, i was jumping out of my skin every time one of the machines rowan is hooked up to would beep or click, or anything. now i've learned what the different sounds mean, and what all the numbers and stats and graphs on his monitors mean. i know what the respiratory therapists mean when they talk about his tidal volume, or his blood gas levels. i know how to tell by looking at the monitors how much of a leak rowan has around his breathing tube (meaning, how much the swelling in his windpipe has gone down). knowing all these little details calms me, makes me feel a little bit more in control.
i can't wait to pick my baby up out of that bed...
i did find out a little while ago that one of the medicines they give him to keep him still (so he can't dislodge his breathing tube, and so he's unaware) is a paralytic. that freaks me out. how does the drug know which muscles to paralyze and which ones to leave alone?! i can't remember the name of the drug... i want to get a list of all the drugs he is on so i can look them all up, find out all i can about them. i don't know why, don't know what it will change... through this whole ordeal, i've found i'm much calmer if i know every little, minute detail of what the nurses are doing or administering, and what the doctors are ordering and why. i'm asking lots and lots... and lots of questions. and apologizing for it, which always gets a firm "don't apologize, ask as many questions as you want!" from the nurses. they're all so nice and personable. i especially appreciate the ones who take the initiative to tell me what they're doing before i ask.
the first night, i was jumping out of my skin every time one of the machines rowan is hooked up to would beep or click, or anything. now i've learned what the different sounds mean, and what all the numbers and stats and graphs on his monitors mean. i know what the respiratory therapists mean when they talk about his tidal volume, or his blood gas levels. i know how to tell by looking at the monitors how much of a leak rowan has around his breathing tube (meaning, how much the swelling in his windpipe has gone down). knowing all these little details calms me, makes me feel a little bit more in control.
i can't wait to pick my baby up out of that bed...
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