More catch-up...

My grandfather whom I love more than anything on this planet, Sweepie, had triple heart bypass surgery a couple of weeks ago, after going in to the ER for an EKG when he noticed he was having an irregular heartbeat.  That turned out to be PVC, but the EKG showed what could've been some arterial blockage, so they decided to do a heart cath to be sure.  There ended up being three blockages - one pretty major, and the other two problematic but not too terrible - so they scheduled him for triple bypass, after determining that the major blockage couldn't be fixed by a stent.  The surgery went very well, and the doctors said he was doing great for a patient his age (he turned 82 in April), but then he started having stomach pain.  At first it looked like they were going to need to do laproscopic surgery and possibly remove part of the intestine (because they thought part of it may have stopped getting bloodflow altogether, in which case the tissue would've died), which would have been really dangerous for him.  But, they did some type of scan first, and they found out that one of the arteries going to his intestines was really calcified - something that's likely been building up for a while, and may be at the root of a lot of his digestive issues over the last few years.  So, they were able to go in and stent that calcified artery and get his intestines the proper bloodflow again.  In fact, the doctor said once he heals completely from the heart surgery and from being in the hospital for so long, he'll probably feel like a new man! 

He's home now and recovering slowly.  My stepdad and mom have been staying at my grandparents' house, because my grandmother is still working on regaining her full strength since going through chemo and radiation for breast cancer, so she's not able to help him get up in the middle of the night, or do many of the household things he's always taken care of.  He is still feeling sort of confused when he wakes up in the middle of the night, so they need someone there to help him.  Wesley's also taking care of the lawn, grocery shopping, etc.  It's during times like these that everyone is so grateful that our family all lives fairly close by!  I mean, Mama and Shannon are in Austin, but they have the flexibility with their jobs to come and stay here for as long as they need to.  It's also kind of perfect that, if this had to happen, it happened right at the beginning of summer, so Mama and Shannon don't have to worry about taking their girls to school, or, for Mama, having to take time off suddenly from her job at the school.  The universe really takes care of us. :-)

Josh and I can't wait to go see him, but we're waiting a while longer, until he's stronger and ready for company.  He and Grandmommy are home bodies and pretty much just prefer the company of one another, and the comfort of their routine.  They need to get that familiar feeling back before we all go crowding their house and showering them with love and affection. :-)  That's OUR need to fulfill, not theirs, so it can wait.

Catching Up

I haven't posted anything since January!  Ridiculous. 

Me: Getting ready for our Whole Foods to close and for the new Addison store to open.  Re-focusing on going to school and preparing to sit for the IBLCE boards next summer.  Dreaming about my future lactation consulting practice.  Learning some things about myself and my needs as a parent.  I joined an Attachment Parenting Meetup group, and can't wait for the first get-together next month.  The topic is attachment parenting your 5-to-12-year-old, which is right up my alley, and SO appropos for me right now, and the reason I wanted to find an AP group in the first place.  Now that we've "aged out" of La Leche League (except, of course, I still love being a leader), I have been on the hunt for a new tribe. 

Josh: Getting his skateboard business off the ground.  Also getting ready for our store to relocate to Addison.  Preparing for a trip to Montana at the first of June to help his other sister (they keep abandoning us ;-) ) and her boyfriend move.  Exciting things on the horizon with the business; he has the name and logo picked out.

Micah: Has her first gymnastics meet coming up at the end of May (this is a first for us, but I'm equating it with the ballet recitals Naomi and I participated in when we were kids), and is turning 8 on Tuesday!  WHAT?  Finishing up 2nd grade, loves reading, gymnastics, playing outside with neighborhood kids, playing inside with her Barbies and dolls, and has lost six teeth now. 

Rowan: Finishing up pre-k with some fun spirit day activities from now until the last day (June 6), including a day when he gets to dress up like what he wants to be when he grows up.  He chose policeman.  Pics to come!  Is about to re-start Kung-fu, loves drawing, playing outside with his big sister, and can't wait to go to kindergarten next year and be at the same school as Micah!

2012 held some pretty rough spots for our family.  Josh's mother passed in July, and his grandmother passed right after we got back from Josh's twin sister Jill's senior art show at MSU last month.  It is just so sad.  She was in her mid-eighties and had lived a long life, but it happened so suddenly that no one got to say goodbye.  I had a special connection with her and will miss her terribly.  It is just extremely rough for this to come so closely on the heels of the death of Josh's mom.  Josh and all his siblings are still reeling from that loss, and really can't cope with much more right now.  Life can be so hard.  But it's really beautiful at the same time.

We had a lovely Christmas this year.  Josh got a gift card to Asel Art Supply, I got some beautiful new clothes and some books, and the kids each got new outdoor rides (a new bike for Micah, and a scooter AND a new bike for Rowan), some games, and fun toys.  Last year our artificial tree broke as we were dismantling it (in *cough* February), so, since we couldn't afford a new one, this year it looked like we were just going to go treeless.  I've always longed for a real tree, but we always assumed it would agitate Josh and Micah's allergies.  Well, this year we tried a little 3 ft. Fraser Fir from work, and it was perfect.  It looked so quaint and beautiful, and neither Josh nor Micah had any allergy problems with it being in the house.  Yay!!  Maybe we'll get the same thing next year!

The kids enjoyed their Christmas break and are back at school now.  Micah has made nothing but straight A's so far this year!  I have been so pleased with how little homework she has, but am pretty sure that will change next year.  Rowan loves his class and his teacher, but has a hard time leaving us some mornings.  Josh and I can't believe he'll be starting Kindergarten in seven months.  He's really excited about being walked to his classroom by his big sister next year.  Micah wants to go horseback riding for her 8th birthday, and Rowan wants his 6th celebration to be at Chuck E. Cheese.

We are awaiting our transfer to the new Addison Whole Foods sometime this year!  I'm still working towards sitting for the IBLCE, and Josh and two partners have started an art collective and hope to be making and selling a product soon.

Here's to a nice, fun, peaceful 2013!

i just published a couple of blog posts from a while back, and i'd hoped they'd show up with their original dates, but they didn't... so that's confusing.  oh well.  i don't think anyone is reading anymore, anyway.  i don't blame them, i only post every few months!! 

micah is loving gymnastics.  she goes two days a week at heights recreation center in richardson.  last week her teacher came out with the kids when class was over, found me, and let me know that micah is ready to move up to the intermediate class.  i was so excited and proud!  then micah quickly let it be known that she was not interested in the slightest about moving up a level, and that her teacher was "wrong.  I am not ready, mama."  okay then.  i asked her if it was because she didn't want to leave her friends, and she insisted it was because she really does not feel ready.  i feel bad for not believing her, but i honestly think it's because she doesn't like change and new things!  so we'll see what we all decide to do about that.  part of me is like, hey, this is supposed to be fun and engaging physical exercise for her, and if switching classes will make it STOP being that, then what's the point?  but also... i want her to try new things and challenge herself.  lord, where's my parenting manual...

rowan just finished two sessions of karate lessons at the richardson ymca.  he loved it, had so much fun, and looked so cute in his gi!  now he's going to try kung fu at the rec center.  i would love it if his class coincided with micah's gymnastics class, but i don't think there's much chance of that happening...

grandmommy is doing well.  she is taking a two-week break from taxol infusions so the swelling in her legs and feet can have a chance to go down.  her doctors think the edema is a side effect of the taxol, so that's why they want to give her a break.  i don't get to see her often, since her white blood cell count is low and she can't really risk having people around her.  but she sends out email updates to all the ladies in her bible class, and all the folks at church who are praying for her and sweepie, and she always includes the family in the email list. 

we had a wonderful halloween!  micah went as cleopatra again this year, and rowan chose to wear his gi and be a karate kid. :)  our street and immediate neighborhood looked pretty dark, so we walked a couple of blocks up and hit the jackpot.  the neighborhood behind ours is very nice, and has a lot of older folks, and every other house was lit up and decorated.  it felt like a block party.  folks were sitting out on their porches, dads gathered in one yard drinking beer and laughing, kids having an impromptu light saber fight over there... it was marvelous.  i was so happy.  we walked up and down both sides of two streets, and the kids had more candy than we could carry.  we headed home and drove about a mile away to our old across-the-street-neighbor's new home.  he is a halloween fanatic and decorates his yard and house to the n'th degree every year, complete with flashing lights, fog machine, loud, scary music, and he and his friends in elaborate costumes.  he used to put a sign on the corners of our street that advertised the "archery lane haunting."  so fun. :)  so the kids had fun seeing his kids again, and he and josh hung out and chatted for a bit.  then we went home, and the kids engaged in a halloween ritual that i enjoyed, too, as a child: the organizing of the hoard.  they dumped out their bags on the living room floor and sorted all their goodies by type - chocolate with the chocolate, hard candy with the hard candy, and so on.  it was so fun to watch, since i remember LOVING that part as a kid. :)  oh, and we decided on our family theme for the next several years.  we're going to do lord of the rings (josh: aragorn, me: arwen, micah: frodo, rowan: samwise), star wars (josh: obi wan, me: c3po, micah: leia, rowan: yoda), and i love lucy (josh: fred, me: ethel, micah: lucy, rowan: ricky).  the kids are most excited about i love lucy, mostly because they can't wait to dye their hair. :)

let's see, what else... josh's sister katy moved to montana and we really miss her, but got to video chat last night, so that was really fun.  the kids and i went to stay with my mom, papi, and maya in austin weekend before last, and got to see their awesome new house!!  it is beautiful, and their land is so awesome.  the kids literally spent all day outside.  it was wonderful, and i can't wait to go back.  we're looking forward to the holidays and spending even more time with family!

random news/musings

on monday grandmommy got the results of her PET/CAT scans - no cancer, anywhere!!  YAY!!!! :-) :-) :-)  she started chemo this monday.  so far, she feels fine.  she bought a wig; i know i'm going to bawl my eyes out the first time i see her in it...

8:30 seems to be our magic bedtime.  usually goes very smoothly.  rowan had a hard time falling asleep tonight for some reason, though.

my biology class is going well.  my teacher is a bit of a character.  he's from lufkin, tx and tells a lot of stories.  he reminds me so much of my uncle tony.

the celebration of life we held for josh's mom a few weeks ago was lovely.  we showed a slideshow of pictures of her, some of her old friends showed up, and everyone had a nice time talking and reminiscing.  the owners of the generator in garland were so accommodating and wonderful; we are so grateful for them!

a couple of days before the party, i accompanied josh, jill, and kyle (jill's boyfriend) to the funeral home to see susan one last time before she was cremated.  it was unbelievably surreal.  it wasn't exactly cathartic, or necessarily good or helpful in any way.  if i had it to do over, i do not think i would make the same choice.  i don't think josh feels the same way i do.  i think he needed to see his mom one more time.  i, on the other hand, find myself wishing my last memory was of her the last time i saw her alive - normal, smiling... can't change it now, and i don't want to dwell on the negative.  every so often the kids talk about her.  we've tried to make talking about or referring to her very normal and easy.  i've tried not to become overly upset or emotional when they bring her up; i don't want them to think it's taboo.  we have pictures of her around the house.

on a brighter note, the kids start school on monday!  micah's going into the 2nd grade at cooper elementary, the same sweet, little neighborhood school she's been attending since kindergarten.  rowan will be going to the public pre-k in our neighborhood this year.  we absolutely LOVE the private preschool he's attended the past two years, but weren't able to fit it into the budget anymore.  we could've afforded two days a week, but felt he would benefit from the opportunity to get into the swing of going to school every day.  he's such a homebody... i felt like it would've been a big jump for him from two days to five.

both kids had their porch parties at school last night; they got to meet their teachers, see their classrooms, and enjoy some snow cones.  i'm the secretary of the PTA this year so i was in charge of selling keychains in the cafeteria.  josh had to work, and i knew i'd need held with the kids since i had to man a table for part of the time, so i enlisted vesta to come with me.  she was happy to help!  she watched the table and rowie for me while i took micah to her new classroom.  mrs. reynolds is her teacher.  she seems very sweet, and experienced.  cali is in micah's class!  cali is one of micah's best school buddies, so that will be fun.

well, we got the babies off to school safe and sound. :)  micah has started 2nd grade in mrs. reynolds' class, and rowan is at the public pre-k in our neighborhood, in mrs. domingcil's class, afternoon program from 12:15 to 3:10.  they were both so excited when they woke up this morning!  and, they woke up at 6:30 on the nose, on their own.  so nice.  we had a lovely, relaxed morning.  we got micah to school at about 7:45, walked her into her classroom, and stood with her while she found her numbered hook for her backpack.  she looked a little anxious, but even less than at the beginning of 1st grade, and WAY better than Kindergarten.  she sat down at her desk, we gave her a squeeze and said, "i love you!" and headed out the door.  we played with rowan and snacked at home until it was time to take him to school.  we walked him in, showed him which way to go (mostly, he showed us), helped him find his cubby to put his backpack, and walked him into his classroom.  he waved hello to his teachers (mrs. domingcil and her assistant, ms. garlow), then mrs. domingcil asked him if he wanted to pick a chair to sit in.  we kissed him, he sat down, he said "i love you" in sign language to us, and we left!

i had inventory at work last night, so josh put the kids to bed.  he usually doesn't like to read out loud, but it's such a part of their nighttime routine with me that they have a hard time falling asleep without it. so josh, sweet daddy that he is, read harry potter to them until they fell asleep - which took hardly any time at all.  we took them on a nature hike yesterday morning, and they rode bikes out front after that, so they were pretty tired.  i was so happy they were asleep when i got home after 10 last night.  when i got home, josh and i watched american handyman and i made buried treasure muffins for the kids for breakfast.  we stayed up way too late...

this morning i made the kids scrambled eggs and bacon, but neither of them ate very much.  they drank ovaltine, though.  micah took her lunch -  half a pb&j on wheat, baby carrots w/ italian dressing for dipping, an apple, a juice pouch, and cheez-its.

i can't to go pick them up and find out how their first day went!!

well... it's been a rough few weeks.

early in july, grandmommy (my maternal grandmother) was diagnosed with breast cancer.  she had a mastectomy and axillary lymph node dissection on the 19th.  some of the lymph nodes were positive for cancer cells, so she will be undergoing chemotherapy and radiation as soon as she heals completely from her surgery.  she's feeling weak, but not having any pain right now.  i'm scared of what's down the road for her, and my family.  i'm trying to be positive, but i'm very sad and anxious.

this past saturday, the 28th, josh's mother passed away.  it was very sudden and shocking.  she's been ill with MS for 20 years.  every few months or so, we would get a call because she was in the hospital with a UTI (she had a catheter for years), and it was always frightening, but she was usually home within a couple of days.  on saturday josh's twin sister jill went to visit her, and she was having trouble breathing... and within 10 minutes, she was gone.  i was at work, and josh had the kids at my dad's when he received the news.  i got a panicked text message from jill, just before mom passed, and rushed to my dad's.  i don't think i'll get the sight and sound of josh out of my head anytime soon.

the past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions and planning and phone calls and organizing and purging.  there will be a memorial service for the staff and residents of the nursing home where mom lived tomorrow morning.  thursday morning, we'll go to the funeral home to see her once more before her body is cremated and her remains placed into urns selected by each of her five kids.  thursday evening we'll gather at a coffee shop in downtown garland for a celebration of her life, with family and friends who want to honor her memory.

life hurts us sometimes.  i am deeply grateful for my family and friends.  i pray for comfort for my husband.  it's unbelievably difficult to watch your spouse suffer this kind of loss.  josh grieves very differently than i believe i would (i really don't know for sure).  i hope i'm doing a good job taking care of him.

Grrrrrrr!  I've gained 10 lbs back from the 20 I lost.  I'm so pissed off.

Bedtime went swimmingly tonight.  Some things are good.

being a parent is challenging, every day.  every day, i'm pushed to the very brink of how much noise i can take before my head explodes, how many times i can calmly and loving say, "please stop _____" and how many iCarly episodes i can endure before my brain leaks out of my ears.

tonight, i did something i'm not proud of.  my kids were completely ignoring me - yelling, talking over my voice, not doing what i asked - so i locked myself in my room.  and they raced to the door and cried - my sweet baby boy cried like he thought he'd never see me again.  and i heard his little scared voice, and i thought, "hey, maybe this'll get through to them."  and micah said, "c'mon, let's go fix her a snack.  maybe she'll come out."  and i thought, "ooh, i hope they bring me the sorbet."

YUCK.

that's not what i want out of this.  that's not what they deserve.  but, hey, i guess i'm not the first mom to do that.  and it might not even be the last time i do it, as sad as rowan's cries made me feel inside.  we are all just doing whatever feels/seems/sounds/looks like it might possibly be the semi-right thing to do at that unique, brand new moment in time.  right?  

every day, the questions flood my brain - am i ruining them?  do they know how much i love them?  do they know i'd lie down in traffic, right now, for them?  do they know i'd lift a mountain, swim to the bottom of the ocean, and lasso the moon?  do they know, sometimes i sit in my room and cry myself into a snotty mess, just because i'm thinking about how crazily i love them?  

they should know.  if they don't know that, every day, every second of their lives, i'm doing it wrong.  

today was about struggling my way through some aspects of my personality that continue to annoy and disappoint me.  i have a really hard time being consistent, with anything: with food, with the kids, with making plans, EVERYTHING.  i've always been this way, but it hasn't always bothered me as much as it has started to lately.  it's something i'd really like to work on this year.

well, i guess today the universe decided i should get started working on that.  today, josh and i both had the day off from work, and we were very excited about having a family day.  we'd planned to take the kids to quiggly's clayhouse in richardson.  first mistake: i told them about it without checking our budget first.  we ended up not having enough money to do this... but i put off telling the kids, hoping to distract them somehow.  because i was embarassed and sad.  then, micah's friend called and asked if she could go door-to-door selling girl scout cookies (micah's a daisy this year)... and against my better judgment, and even though it was not on the agenda for the day, i said, "sure!"  see, this is the problem i have - striking that balance between impulsivity and rigidity.  why can't anything be easy?  so, micah went girl scouting, but it turns out she didn't really want to, and didn't understand she was doing that instead of going to quiggly's clayhouse (and the reason she didn't understand that is because i purposefully didn't explain it), then rowan had a meltdown because he was tired, and micah had a meltdown because she was tired and frustrated... oh boy, it was a rough day/evening.  then both kids napped late and were up late, but i didn't care because we were happy and having fun, finally.

SO.  what am i going to do?  i'm going to:

• STOP telling the kids what the "plan" is until i have actually fully thought out the "plan" and decided whether it's going to work at all
• START breathing and being in the moment, and let go of anxiety over what's going to happen next or what's supposed to happen
• START respecting myself enough to stick to what i say, and give the kids the stability and reliability they need (especially micah)

and a lot of other stuff.  like quit eating junk.  i weighed myself tonight, and almost cried.

i was just re-reading posts from the past many months. that 5k so did not happen. haha. :-) but i am still going to zumba class twice a week, and trying, trying to eat better... but i'm not doing very well with that. i lost 20 lbs, then gained about 5.5 back. i need to start using the Lose It! app again, pronto.

i love my job, but i don't like being away from the kids so much. micah and rowan are both doing really well at and enjoying school. they're so wonderful. they fight CONSTANTLY. we were going through absolute hell at bedtime there for a while - partially because i wasn't being consistent and was trying something different almost every night, out of desperation - but we've finally settled into a nice routine that works for everyone. around 8 o'clock the kids brush their teeth and get into pj's. no later than 9 o'clock, they lay down in bed and i read to them until they fall asleep. if rowan falls asleep before micah, and if micah's still awake and not quite ready for sleep, she's allowed to turn her lamp on and quietly read, write, draw, etc. in bed until she's sleepy. this works great for her because she feels like she has a little bit of control over her bedtime (because i have learned finally that i can't make her go to sleep, no matter what i do); and it works great for me, because one of the things that's always driven me nuts about bedtime is that i have to be in there with them, either lying down or nursing or whatever, until they fall asleep. i am SO HAPPY they're finally at the age where i can sit in a chair and just read. don't get me wrong - when they were babies, nothing made me happier than to snuggle and nurse them to sleep every single night, and i wouldn't change a thing. but as they've gotten older, i've grown less and less patient with actively participating and facilitating every moment of the whole "falling asleep" process. i've been so ready for them to learn how to lie down and fall asleep on their own. not that they're really even on their own - i'm in the room. but sitting in a chair reading is so different from lying down with them, for me. again, i love it, i wouldn't have it any other way. all that is to say... this new routine is really working well for me because i can kiss micah goodnight, leave her to her journal or book, and check on her periodically, while getting to do what i want with the rest of the evening. before, after lying down with them, by the time they finally fell asleep, my nerves would be too shot to do anything.

rowan's so funny, he's always sound asleep within minutes of me starting to read. :-)

micah is enjoying first grade! her first day went off without a hitch - she got a great night's rest, had a big breakfast (a sure sign that she wasn't feeling anxious), josh and i got her there on time and walked her to her classroom. sweet mrs. may was there greeting students at the door, and we walked micah to her desk. she asked me to hang up her backpack for her, then she sat down and opened her yellow play-doh. josh and i both bent down and kissed her head, i squeezed her shoulders, and we left! it was AWESOME!!

i got the produce supervisor position i interviewed for! the interview went great - i was very prepared, relaxed, and confident. i started this past monday, and i am having a blast. i already feel a sense of ownership about the floral department, and i'm looking forward to being able to implement some of my ideas. i'm tired as hell, but it feels good. i haven't gone to zumba class this week, but other than that, i'm happy.

my med term class is going really well! every class, i feel all emotional and humbled by the design of the human body... i wish we all understood what goes on inside of us more clearly. i am getting only a tiny sliver of a glimpse of it in this seven-week course, and i want more!! maybe i'll go to medical school. nah... couldn't take it. mr. saunders, my instructor, likes to laugh at the faces i make when he pulls up google images of things like parasitic twins, tumors with teeth and hair, ruptured spleens, etc. i don't think i'm cut out for health care.

yesterday i took nine LLL helping calls. NINE. in one day! it was awesome. every call made me happy that i'm doing what i'm doing.

i have an interview tomorrow for a supervisor position on the produce team at work. i'm a little nervous about it because i don't have any experience in produce - or in any profit center, for that matter; i've only worked on the front end and in admin - but i think i've got a good shot at the job because i've been with the company a long time and i understand the financial side. we'll see. i've got some good ideas, but i just hope i get can them across in the interview without getting all nervous...

micah starts school on monday. the summer didn't zoom by as quickly as i was afraid it would. we went swimming a lot, had fun with friends, went to the park (before it got into the triple digits) and had a fun weekend in austin. it was a great summer. i'm actually looking forward to the fall, school, and getting back into a routine. all i have to worry about is getting her school supplies... she already has a whole new wardrobe for this school-year, thanks to generous hand-me-downs from mama. :-)

i did get down 17.5 lbs, but i gained some back. i seem to do really well for a while with my diet, then i get lazy. working out is so fun, but i don't have time to do it as often as i'd like. maybe when micah and rowan are both in school and i don't have lina anymore, i'll have more time to go to the Y.

starting in mid-october, i won't be babysitting lina anymore! it's going to be so strange! she's starting montessori school. she'll have so much fun. she's such a smart kid, it'll be a perfect environment for her, i have a feeling. we'll miss her, though.

I can't wait to buy a house.

I'm taking my Medical Terminology class for the next six weeks. The class is really fun and clicking for me; I love words and language. My instructor is funny and colorful. Every class he tells us stories from his years in the emergency room that make me cringe and shiver, but they are FUNNY! and disturbing. We took our first test last night and I think I did well. Studying for the test was challenging, but I'll be able to study smarter for the next one, now that I know what they're like.

My friends Alison and Diana took the IBCLC exam yesterday morning. I'm so proud of and excited for them!! Alison felt like she was amply prepared for the test, which makes me feel good for my future exam. If all goes as planned, I'll be sitting for the boards in July 2013. I've been daydreaming about what I want my practice to be like. I don't know all the protocol for how to make it happen, but I am excited about the future.

Papi accidentally bought a Polar heart rate monitor for women, and he decided to buy the men's version and give the other one to me!! I am SO stoked. I can't wait to use it at the Y tonight. I'm very curious to see how many calories I burn during Zumba and weight-lifting. I'm going to practice using it at home first, which will be good because I haven't exercised since last Thursday.

On July 20th my great-aunt Dorris died. She was 89. She went to the hospital because she didn't feel right, and they admitted her into the ICU, and she died in her sleep. I only saw her once a year at the Wallis Christmas get-together; she was my paternal grandmother's oldest sister. I really loved her and she had a strong sense of family pride, loyalty, and hilarious sense of humor. The sadness I feel about her passing is mostly for my grandmother and my dad. My dad was close to her growing up; she always told funny stories about hosting ladies lunches and Bible studies at her house, and in the middle of them my dad would come bursting in the back door, grab something to eat out of the fridge, wave hi to Dorris, and walk right back out the door. He grew up playing and swimming at her house with his cousins. And my grandmother is very emotional and loves her family more than anything. The morning my dad let me know Dorris had died, I went over to Jo Ann and Sheridan's house and just hung out for a couple of hours, drank some coffee, and chatted about random things. Caleb was there too, working on the yard. Jo Ann was very weepy, but seemed to cheer up while we were there. Sheridan told me later that spending time with Caleb and me had lifted her spirits. The funeral was very nice; it was the first one I'd ever been to. Dan Stevens, my youth minister, led us in the same three songs that were sung at Daddy Clint, my great-grandfather's funeral in 1988. I thought that was a very special touch. Edd Eason also spoke at the funeral, and he's known my family since the late 70's; he said that Granny and Daddy Clint were the members of the congregation who first welcomed he and his wife, Tresia when they moved here. I loved hearing all those old stories.

At the funeral and gravesite, my grandmother was way less emotional than I thought she'd be. I was really nervous arriving at the funeral home because I hate seeing my grandmother cry; she seems very fragile and weak. My grandparents are so strong and larger than life to me, and I feel all shaken up when I see them in emotional states. I know I'm almost 30 and it's time to get realistic about their roles in my life, but I can't help it. :-)

hi, little blog. i've lost 11.5 lbs. i was down 14.5 (a half-pound away from my mani-pedi, yeah!) but i fell off the "eating right" wagon and gained some weight back. oh well, i'm trying not to beat myself up about it. rachel and i are zumba-ing three times a week now, and jessica and i ran wednesday night after a two-week hiatus due to scheduling conflicts. josh has done something awful to his back and shoulders, but if he feels up to it, i'm going to jog tomorrow night - possibly with katherine.

the summer II semester at richland started this past monday, but the start date class i'm taking - medical terminology I - was pushed back to this monday, 7/18 to give more people a chance to sign up. i don't know if that means the class will be really small, or if it'll be cancelled. i'm hoping it's not cancelled; that'll put me behind a semester, and i'll have to make it up somewhere. i'm happy to be on track with my classes, thanks to mama and daddy who paid for this med term class. hopefully i'll be able to pay for the rest, but they've both told me they're happy to help if i need it.

i'm loving the summer with the babies. we've gone swimming more times than i can count, had playdates with friends, and eaten lots and lots of fruit. the kids and i have righteous tans. :-)

hey-oh, i've lost 12.5 lbs!! i'm so excited. :) i tried a zumba class at the Y and it was so much fun; i can't wait to go again. jessica and i have been jogging once a week, and my endurance is getting so much better. it's nice to see improvement in these areas as i go. at work now, will write more later...

i've lost 6 pounds. can't seem to lose more than that, which is irritating. i've been going to the Y three days a week and jogging one day a week. i'm starting to think that's not really enough. i've had moments of upset and discouragement, but overall, i feel like this is my new lifestyle and i won't be going back to couch potato status. my eating habits are a very long way from improved. for example, i ate apple pie for breakfast this morning... *sigh*

josh is on a cruise. he'll be home on sunday. the kids and i miss him, but have been having a nice time here at home. i've tried to do something special each evening with them. last night after the Y, we went to McD's for ice cream and playtime. tonight vesta's going to watch them while i go jogging with jessica. i hope i can actually jog the whole time tonight - i think i'll be able to. i jogged for about 10 mins on the treadmill last night. it's so much easier on the treadmill, though.

i'm feeling like a failure in the school-mom department. micah's report cards from the first couple of six weeks were really good, and she's been regressing in some areas. i'm not sure, but i think working with her more on thins at home would help. i've also gotten lazy about bedtime and wake-up time again, letting her stay up too late and sleep in too long in the morning. i should know better by now. she needs a good 20-30 mins in the morning before she's ready to eat anything, so most days she goes to school without breakfast because i haven't allowed time for it. what a horrible, selfish thing for me to do. :( this year was trial and error for me, and i'll do much better in the fall. my poor, sweet girl...

i didn't bomb that test after all - i got a high B, and an overall A for my nutrition course!! YEAH!!! sociology final's on monday, then i get to decide what to take over the summer. NOT A&P.

josh's first art show was last night. his was by far the best stuff there, but i'm biased. his work is just so unique; there's nothing else like it that i've seen. that seems to be what everyone else thinks and says, too. he got a lot of positive feedback and sold three prints. i can't wait for his next show!!

i have three amazing friends who are helping me get healthy, and i'm very grateful for them. my high school bud, jessica, and i have been jogging at breckinridge park once a week, in preparation for a 5k in the fall. i said once before i was going to run a 5k, and it didn't happen... it's happenin' this time, y'all. believe it.

my friend from work, rachel, and i have joined the richardson YMCA and are working out there twice a week. i put in an hour on the recumbent bike before work this morning without her because she's a weenie - her words, not mine. :-)

and my friend alison is doing the Lose It! app alongside me, logging her food and exercise, and is throwing encouragement and support my way daily. love her.

i've been doing really well with my diet, staying well under 1,500 calories every day, and have been exercising as much as i can. i feel happy and proud and on my way to finding myself under these layers of babyfat and scones and carrot cake... i've lost 6.5 lbs so far.

josh tells me how proud he is of me every day, my dad and vesta bought me cute workout clothes for my birthday, my grandmother's paying for me to get my hair cut, and my mom's going to buy me some new running shoes since mine are from high school. everybody's holding me up!! grateful, grateful... my perpetual state of being.

today i feel a lot better on way less food. my mood is on the sour side, but that's because i BOMBED my nutrition test last night. at least, i'm fairly positive i bombed it. the really frustrating part is that i studied really hard, but i didn't study all the right things. there is so much material, it's really hard to know what to focus on. i thought i was prepared, but as soon as i got to the short answer questions, my heart sank. i did very poorly on the math and chemistry questions. *sigh* i'm not looking forward to finding out that grade... and the other really frustrating thing is, there were two extra credit assignments due last night, and i did neither of them. smart, huh? >:/ i haven't gotten any exercise done today, but it's only 2:30... there's still time for some situps while i watch TV, or maybe even a bike ride with micah and rowan later this evening. we're going over to a friend's house after school, then joining them again for dinner at the chick-fil-a near our house, which is hosting a fundraising night for micah's elementary school. i've been very stingy with my calories today because i plan on enjoying a chicken sandwich, fries, and a sweet tea at dinner. :-)